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I Thought This Was A Lost Cause

I miss these people. That is all.

posted by Caitlin @ 1:47 PM 1 Comments

I'll Be Right Here To Help You Find Your Way Out

So today started out as a potentially horrible France day, but France pulled through and decided to compromise with me. I hate it when it gets the best of me!

This is from the sunset the other day, taken from my back courtyard. I love pink sunsets. I want a beach sunset. And I want you to be there with me...

Alright, back to the almost horrible day. Lille has a new bus line now called Liane. Dumb name, I know. Anyway, this new line interrupted my seemingly perfect way to get to one of my schools. It's supposed to be more frequent and faster, etc. However, I still have to take a bus to get to the bus stop I need for this new line. I got at the new bus stop around 7:58am. There was a bus supposedly around then, but I never witnessed it. Maybe it was early, shit happens. No biggie there's another at 8:02am. No no no no no that one didn't come. Maybe it was 8:04am, either way still didn't show up. Okay well hopefully the bus for 8:12am comes because otherwise I'll be late for work. It shows up at 8:15am. More frequent my ass. Faster my ass. It still took another 15 minutes to get to school. It's not even worth getting to sleep in a little more! I miss my line 3 :(

Coming back I was so frustrated with the idiocy of the bus driver I noticed a different bus directly behind us, so I got off this horrible new one and got on the one behind even though I knew it'd take longer to get to the same stop. So I went to CAF (caisse allocation famille) to turn in the paperwork for housing aid. I had everything the guy a week ago said I'd need (he gave me a sheet and went through everything with me, checking it off as we went). But Noooooooooooooo the lady says I'm missing two documents, one of which is my social security number or something. Sadly, France is slow and even though it had been more than two weeks since I'd turn in my SS paperwork, I still had yet to get my number in the mail. The lady at CAF said something to me and I chose not to understand it but she took my paperwork. Not quite sure what she did with it...something about keeping it until I subscribe or something? I was too frustrated to ask her to repeat it. So I left, grumbling to myself in franglais. I do that a lot. I forget words in English so I say them in my head in French. I swear I'm sane.

So I decided to go back to the Social Security place this afternoon to see about turning in some papers and getting my number. I needed this number ASAP since I had been sick and had to pay out of pocket for the doctor and medicines and I get reimbursed for all that. I also wanted the number incase the CAF lady was going to hold my papers ransom. The lady was very nice and apologetic saying it wasn't fair I hadn't received my number yet, and hoped I was feeling better. I've never had such a personable interaction with someone like that! It was awesome. So she gave me my number, took my paperwork and wished me a good afternoon. I win France! I was overly pleased with myself :)

Then later I got to go to a cute cafe with Devina and Eve where we learned about all of Devina's Spanish adventures. I can't wait to go to Spain!

In regards to other things in life: Ever been caught in the middle? But you can't explain the middle and how awkward the middle is to one person because it would hurt them? Am I making sense? No. But that's ok. I want to be a good friend, but I don't want to chose. That's so 8th grade. And I'd chose the person the other person would be surprised at. You're going to hate me. Is it bad that I don't care? I'm not worried? My happiness is more important. My turn to be selfish.

posted by Caitlin @ 1:06 PM 0 Comments

You Have Stolen My Heart

I miss my best friend. I miss being able to wear/share clothes with her. I miss cuddling on her bed talking about how lame boys are. I miss watching the ABC Family line up starting at 2pm with her, even though I was usually at work or she was or in class or something. But most of all, I miss her hugs and laughter and crazy, lovely face.

France makes you feel lonely in the world. Or maybe it's just the way I'm feeling right now. According to the last blog, I can knock off one of my "wishlist" items. But note that I said "travel" France and not live here. I am not sure I am made out for this living in a foreign country thing for an extended period of time. But I will do it, yes I will. Not because I may or may not have signed a contract, but because I know there are people, family and friends, who don't believe I can do this and I want to prove them all wrong. And I also want to prove to myself that there is life after France and I will be a better, yet different, person for coming here.

The hardest thing about being here is that people at home think my life is so grand now just because I can say "I'm living in France." Newsflash, it isn't. It's like living in Redmond or Bellingham but with less friends and speaking a foreign language most of the time. Don't get me wrong, for the most part I enjoy living here. Yesterday when I stepped off the bus at 8:15am to go to one my schools, the sky was a million different shades of pink, and I thought, "Wow, I am living in France and this looks so cool, I wish I had my camera". So see? I do appreciate where I am for the moment, but it's also making me appreciate home and my family and friends way more than I used to.

I have a life here, but I also have a life waiting for me at home. It's hard having two lives...

posted by Caitlin @ 2:11 AM 0 Comments