O, Lover
I love late night phone calls...I mean who really cares when it's like a million degrees outside? Last night it was a little easier to sleep, I tried my best to cool down the room and myself. But I got really hot this morning....oh well. That's what cold showers are for!!
Random thought: I swear my boobs have grown in the last two weeks, the pill must be working. No, I'm not taking a breast enhancer! Unfortunately I think my butt has gotten slightly bigger too, but who doesn't like something to grab onto? ;)
So, how are you doing now?
I want a mini-vacation, I want to get away.
Mr. Curiosity
Possibly the most beautiful song I have ever heard. And the best part is Jason Mraz singing opera on it. I don't know why or how, but it brings tears to my eyes. Listen to it, reading just the lyrics is not enough. It sounds somewhat like I slow Beatles' song, mainly because of the strings. Amazing and breathtaking.
I want to go away. I want to move on with my life, pretend that I finished school. I'll go to LA and become and actress like every other college drop out. Once, someone told me to pursue acting seriously. I'm starting to think about it. I mean why not? I could work at a West Marine down there while trying to get stuff together. I feel like it would be totally out of my character and that's why I really want to do it. Drop everything. Drop everyone. Start over. Life should be that simple.
Maybe it is...
Fiscal Burn Out
I need to stop spending money. I'm supposed to be saving up for a car and my apartment! But there I was, 1.88 in my checking account, so I had to move some from savings. Good thing Bren paid for dinner! I owe him now anyway, so I guess it doesn't help. AND I got a $50 cell phone bill in the mail yesterday which I am not too thrilled about! People better start calling me more to make this worthwhile!
So the month has come and gone, ahem, and it was lovely and I'm glad it is over with! Now I acutally get to go hang out and not sit at home every night. Well, not that much has changed. Last night at dinner I was excited because when I got home I got to start reading Harry Potter...I am a nerd! Brendan said I had a date with Harry, and Harry was definitely worth it. But I like dark haired boys in real life better. I am definitely a brown hair on a guy person, or dark blonde. Hmmmmm....speaking of Harry Potter, I am very tired from work the last few days, so I'm going to go read and sleep.
I feel content.
Giving In
I gave in the other night, a month was too much to bear. I thought I would be mad at myself, but it was only a few days early, and I don't really care. I actually feel a lot better about it all. Now, I just wait. And as I wait longer the more my stomach gets tied in knots.
WHY AM I FREAKING OUT?
Let It Be
Today, I don't feel very well, which is a good sign. I will have to explain later, or actually not, it's not really something I want someone to read. Just know that I feel like shit but it's a good thing. But I'm still not off the hook yet. At least I had today off, nothing's worse than working 8 hours and feeling sick. No, I'll get to feel that tomorrow. And I was going to have Saturday off too. But Janell called and I said I would cover her shift. Money's money, right? It will put me at over time though, so we'll have to see if it will actually happen. It makes me sad though because I was going to get my hair cut! But now I will have to wait.
I haven't gotten much sleep the last few nights, my thoughts have been consuming my brain, leaving no room for relaxation and sleep. Instead I just lay there and think and wonder about the future. Which is a good thing because I used to think about the past and those problems. But I am finally over them (for the most part) and ready to see what the future holds. It definitely has in store two more years of college...but
who is in the future remains to be unknown. For me, I don't know if I like that...I hate surprises and I hate waiting and not knowing.
I'm scared for this month to be over, I am so nervous and anxious. What if....?
Will I Ever Love Again?
That's a question a lot of people ask themselves, but this lyric is from Ryan Cabrera, okay you can stop laughing now. But his CD is actually pretty good, so there.
I was right in predicting the calm before the storm in my last blog. I was in the
worst mood today, you did not want to talk to me. Even the customers at work noticed, one lady actually said "Well aren't you just a bundle of joy today" yeah, shove it. And once again, West Marine was hazardous to work at today, I burnt three fingers melting the ends of some rope, which isn't even part of my job description, but since I got a raise for no reason, I felt the need to actually do something productive. And it's nice to get away from the counter and front of the store. But not at the expense of burnt fingertips. Now I really have no fingerprints.
So this bad mood came about when I woke up this morning. Well, kind of in the middle of the night, but I won't get into that. I just feel really bad and it's affecting me. I think my ulcer is back. I'm really sad lately. I really miss someone. And I have like a million things to say to them, and it kills me that I can't say them right now. That's all I say on that right now. I don't want to get in trouble. I think I already am. One more week, okay? I can do this. And I will.
I just want everything to go away. Or something.
