This Is the Final Straw...
A great line that continues to be great in the Snow Patrol song "Final Straw" number 6 on the Final Straw CD. Confused yet?
I am tired of feeling rejected. By my family, by jobs, by certain people...I am ready to start over, and this is all the final straw. I don't think I want to come back home until Thanksgiving. That would mean missing my brother's first homecoming though, but it's the second week of school and seeing as how I don't have car and I probably won't for quite awhile, it's just not possible. That's okay though, there will be other dances and stuff. I will at least get to see him play some fall ball for Redmond.
Speaking of my birthday, it's getting more depressing. My family was going to celebrate it on the 17th but Scott has a baseball game at 4:30 that day, meaning he takes precedence. And I get to celebrate it on the 16th, practically a week before. This is just fucking ridiculous. I am going to have to work that day since it's my last day of work at West Marine. Since when was baseball more important than me and my birthday? This fucking sucks. Another birthday down the drain. What song is it, it goes, "it's my birthday but I can't find anything to celebrate"....thinking thinking....umm...oh yeah! My favorite Jason Mraz song, Mr Curiosity.
Birthdays blow.
I Will Try to Fix You
I want someone to fix me. That whole Shake It Off entry should be deleted and renamed "How to screw yourself over"
Yesterday started out pretty good, my brother jumped on me and woke me up at 10am which I wouldn't have minded if I had gone to bed at 3:30am. We got to go out to our annual going back to school breakfast (I think my mom gets a lot of pleasure out of it). It was very good and I was starving, the activities of the night before left me famished.
Then we went to Staples for school supplies which I find a lot of fun mainly because I am a pen whore and I bought 3 packs of them so there.
Then it progressivly got worse: no financial aid letter, the car I was going to go look at sold the night before, I got a phone call with some really fucking bad news and left me very bitter and angry and wanting to go hit someone across the face REALLY HARD. Then it was going to get better because I was going to Lynnwood to look at a 1994 Subaru legacy. However getting there wasn't the best experience and then it ended up being a legacy WAGON and the driver's side door handle was broken and the door wouldnt even shut, and they were asking $2600!?!?! I have finally decided that I won't be getting a car anytime soon.
So I was depressed from that and the really awful bad news so we thought we'd go to the Sleep Country Outlet by Alderwood Mall since we were in the area. BIG MISTAKE. I had one of those hyperventilating crying things, bascially and emotional breakdown in the middle of the store. I finally realized how much a mattress costs, not including the boxspring. It was then I decided that I would never be able to afford a car, a mattress, and all the other things that I have left to get for the apartment. It's like $300 for a mattress set! That is so ridiculous, and keep in mind this was the OUTLET price, and the cheapest one.
I quit.
You Know You Got What I Want
Sidenote: I love Dave and I wish I were going to his concert. Tear.
But what I really want is for Western to send me my financial aid award letter. I mean, school is starting in a month and I need to know how much money they're giving me and how much money my mom isn't going to pay for again this year. I should be used to this by now. Fucking debt.
Today I get to go to Ikea! It's actually not that exciting because if I actually find things I want this could end up being a very expensive trip, for which I'm not quite ready. I can't decide if I just want to get a head board, a captain's bed, or just sleep on a regular mattress and boxspring. But that's just so boring to me. But I will probably want a double bed next year, depending on where I'm living and if I'm single ;) But for now a twin will do just fine. HELP! I can't decide!
I can't wait to move into my apartment and register for classes. This is the first quarter I get to take classes I acutally want to take, aside from Intro to Language which sounds like a repeat of Linguistics, ugh. However, Dwan is not teaching it, kind of saddened by that thought. What I really need however is a job up there. I'm going to be 21, I need some means to support my alcoholism. Oh, and I guess pay for rent.
Shake, Shake, Shake It Off
Not only is that Mariah Carey's new single (and it's great) but I finally feel like I have shaken off the past year. YAY!
Where to start? I hung out with Katie and Co. on Saturday and had too much fun for having to work at 10am the next morning. Don't play Fuck the Dealer and Asshole/Idiot if you plan on driving home by 1am. I made it home safely and pretty much passed out because the night before I had only had 2 hours of sleep! And I wasn't even drunk that time!
Last night I went to dinner with two friends from the ghost of high school past, Rachel and Jessica. Both of whom it had been at least a year or more of not seeing. It was fun to catch up, but we are very different now. Come to think of it, we were very different in high school. Oh well! So I guess it was pretty normal!
Today was errand running day and shopping for cars. I FOUND ONE! I know, you're jealous and I'm like 75% sure I am going to get it. YAY!!! Then, Stephanie and I went to lunch at Ruby's (which I am not too fond of). It was the first time I had seen her this whole freaking summer. It's so sad, I know. And she's leaving on Wednesday to go back to WSU, so it looks like it was the first and last time. At least we had a lot to talk about! I love having no awkward silences!
http://seattle.craigslist.org/car/89572184.htmlThat's my little car! I know, it's a lot of miles, but I won't put that many on it.
SHAKE IT OFF!
Fiscal Burn Out Part Deux
Ummm I have 8 dollars in my checking account, not quite as bad as the $1.88, but I'm getting worried. I have to have a car, and I found THE ONE. 1998 Subaru Impreza for only $5000. It's a really cool green color and I am totally in love with it. Anyone want to loan me 3 grand? Yeah, I didn't think so.
I haven't cried in a really long time. In fact, I don't remember the last time which is weird for me. During school last year if you had asked me I would have said "an hour ago". I feel like the last two years I shed a lot of tears for various reasons, and it feels good to not remember when I cried last. But it's weird. It's how I let out my stress, I think I'm just eating now. Oh well. That's what the Rec Center is for.
Yesterday was my brother's 16th birthday and my mom made a comment that it didn't feel like Scott's birthday because we didn't do anything special. Which got me to thinking that I haven't had a real birthday since I turned 16. My 17th I think I had to cheer. And my 18th I had to cheer and none of my friends celebrated with me. My 19th I moved into the dorms and had to say goodbye to my family for the first time in my life. And my 20th just wasn't that great, two days before school started. I didn't do anything, oh no wait, did I get drunk? I don't remember! hahaha! But this year it's going to be even worse, turning 21 on the first day of school. I'm going to carry a flask with me. But once again, I think there will be a lack of friends. I should be used to it though, right? I don't want to share my birthday with anyone a week later, I want my birthday to be my birthday.
And since I have no money I am going to go to Victoria's Secret. I was going to get a new pair of jeans but the sale doesn't start until the 3rd, which of couse is when I have to go back to work. My brother is going to Cali for a baseball tournament this Friday, and I am so jealous of him. I want to go away. I want to do something active. But my mom pinky swore we would go to the Seattle Outlets next week on my day off.
I got an email from a friend's ex girlfriend....that was quite a surprise but very interesting. We have a lot in common. Who knows what will happen? Maybe we will become the best of friends :)
